Letter to Myself

Dear self,

I know some times you feel like you live for everybody else. You rather see people around you happy, you rather them have the last of your food, you rather them be warm, but what about you? I know you ask yourself that all the time. I hear you. I always hear you ask “but who thinks about me?” well heres your answer I do. Sometimes you put yourself before others because deep down you feel its the right thing to do. Hey! and that’s okay you care way to much and that’s okay too. That’s just who YOU are! Its okay. People tell you that you are too nice. Well you cant be mean all the time now can you? You try and where does that get you? NOWHERE! because then you feel bad. Some people think your soft and that cannot be strong. Ive seen how strong you are. I was there with you when all that stuff with Noah’s dad happened. Iv’e seen you struggle. I saw how hard you tried not to ask your mom for money to buy him a box a pampers because his dad couldn’t even get that. I saw you ask around for jobs. I saw you and I’ve seen the dirty looks people gave you when you walked around with your round belly. I’ve seen some of you closest “friends” turn around and stab you in the back and told people things that you told them. Did you once tell other people their secrets? No! I heard you cry as well. You cry a lot actually! I don’t know if you cry because you’re happy or actually sad/mad/tires/or just had enough. You are very confusing at times. You think way too much sometimes. You second guess yourself a lot. Sometimes you think you’re not good enough. YOU ARE! I have notice the changes and let me tell you I love the bangs even tough sometimes they just don’t listen! When has your hair actually listened???? It has a mind of its own. I know you’ve been going to the gym too. Next time try not to care about other people and do what you went there to do! Your style has changed you have a very casual style but you try to make it your own. You no longer wear what you think people like you wear what YOU like. Your confidence has changed as well. I remember when you use to think it was you (you know what im talking about) it wasn’t you at all and im glad you see it now. You are beautiful and I hear you say it every now and then. I see you know how to smile now lol remember when you would never show teeth and now that’s all you show. Freckles oh dear freckles. She disliked you for a long time and now look at her she loves you guys. We thought Kason would get lucky and have you guys too but yeah that didn’t happen. You are doing everything you can to finish your studies. I’m so proud of you. Sometimes its okay to feel over whelmed its okay to cry and want to punch the wall because it seems like nobody gets you. I get you. You have turned to God many times but some reason you tend to get distracted and that’s what we need to work on. Michelle even said it “you need to get out your comfort zone girl!!” shes right try new things! Except sushi! we have already tried that and we both agreed we did not like it. Whether people see it or not just know you are doing what you can. You are a wonderful mom. You are not perfect you make mistakes. But you try and be the best for Noah and Kason. Talking about Noah let go of all the blame haven’t you notice how happy he is. You have done and still  continue to do everything for him. You have really learned to stand up for yourself you don’t take much from people! Go YOU! From all the friends you had how many are still there? Just know those people around you now although you don’t have a big group just know they care for you and want the best. Oh and cool it on the neat freak part God knows you make your own self mad.

To sum it all up Miriam I want you to know that although you are confusing, clumsy, caring, loving (we all know how attached you can get), and giving that makes YOU (US) who we are. Don’t ever let people influence you I know sometimes you want to change all this soft parts of you but that’s what makes you beautiful from the inside. Sometimes you think you are and old soul I think you really are, because some of the things you do are just plain old lol. It’s okay to do things for you sometimes like your nails or shopping for yourself (girl just be careful with your nails because you are already missing one.) just because you are a mom doesn’t mean you cant be 22. Love yourself its okay to do it. Its okay to be mad, sad, happy, excited, and bubbly. You are more fun when you are bubbly. Matter of fact you are more fun and beautiful when you are being you. Next time you get that idea to build a fort with Noah and sleep in the living room…Just do it those are memories you ad Noah will have and if Tee doesn’t want to join its okay. Live for you. Yes like I said you are a mom but its okay to think about yourself. Every choice you make will effect them but we all know you have made decisions that were awesome.

And if anybody tells you, you cant just remember that they are not me therefor they cannot tell you what I cant and can do!

Im surprised you didn’t cry you are usually crying your eyes out by now.

Write me sometimes I do get lonely you know!

Love Me (you)

Does this make we weird lol oh well it needed to be done

Miriam

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